The Sporadic Curmudgeon

middle of the night
not best time to write the first
blog post in a month

getting more tail than
Sinatra is easier
than it used to be

when at a friend’s house
it is not wise to assume
the flush succeeded

what part of the phrase
“we’re gonna die like dogs here”
are you not grasping?

man’s evolution:
eternal shitstorms favor
obliviousness

a two-stall restroom
outer door locked: “occupied”
an act of mercy

a sumo wrestler
writes haiku in a strip joint
limp efforts result

“invigorating”
on skin and hair care products
means “burns like crazy”

antidepressants
i’d like to see tom cruise walk
a mile in my brain

do not ever eat
sauerkraut and grilled bratwurst
if you might vomit

Special explanatory note: This bad haiku was not actually composed while I was sitting on the toilet. It was composed while I was kneeling in front of the toilet.