The Sporadic Curmudgeon

This one’s gonna ramble, so get ready.

Back in ye olden days, when the World Wide Web was a twinkle in Tim Berners-Lee’s eye and pteranodons ruled the skies, I got into computers in a big way. I didn’t just dive into the digital revolution, I cannonballed into it. I played Flight Simulator when it was amber-on-black vector graphics. I discovered that just anybody could log onto some pretty heavy BBS’s (I won’t be more specific because I enjoy my freedom), you could program computers to draw pictures, and there was free porn all over the place if you knew where to look. I dreamed of the day when I could have all the worlds’ information at my fingertips instantly. I knew it was coming; it was inevitable.

And yet, now that it’s here, something disquieting has been nagging at me. That something is the unfortunate historical period known as the Dark Ages. A little hun-based library-torching here, a little faith-based manuscript burning there, and before you knew it almost the entire accumulated knowledge of millennia of civilization was gone. Poof! Just like that. We are only beginning to understand the full extent of what was lost. Our understanding of the ancient world comes from the small glimpses afforded by the surviving fragments, backed up by modern archaeology.

I had assumed, when I used to dream of what life would be like in the 21st Century (before Bush and Cheney took a huge steaming dump all over the whole damned thing), that print and digital works would exist side-by-side.

Today, I read this story: The Oxford English Dictionary’s next edition may only be published in digital form.

Is this wise? Think about it: many of the data tapes from the Apollo moon missions are unreadable just forty years later, and the meager progress that’s been made on them is only because someone thought to save one of the old tape readers in a garage somewhere.

Think of all the information stored on vinyl records and cassette tapes and videocassettes. Yes, devices to play those data formats exist, but how many of you still own any of them? Could you play a 5 1/4″ floppy disc if you needed to? I know I couldn’t.

And it’s not just the format information is stored in. There is deterioration. Tape gets brittle. Hard drives crash. Discs get demagnetized.

Here’s an interesting story that you probably don’t know. There are several periods throughout the 1800s where many, many official documents have faded to the point where they cannot be read without specialized modern equipment. Documents immediately prior to these periods and following them are perfectly legible. Why? Because the dyes used in those inks faded over time, or in some cases actually ate through the paper.

The permanent ink was generally iron gall ink, which actually changes the chemical composition of the paper. The ink fades, but the paper underneath is permanently altered, having a brown color. After the disastrous ink problems, the government realized that something had to be done, and so an official permanent ink formula was created to be used on legal documents. You can read an account of this here.

I fear that something will happen to our glittering digital utopia. A solar flare that wreaks havoc with electromagnetic storage systems, religious fanaticism and rampant anti-intellectualism decreasing the number of people able to maintain the infrastructure, or some other damn thing. Cultures, governments and religions collapse. Machinery decays. It happens all the time; hell, we can’t even keep our bridges from falling apart anymore. What is to keep the internet from suffering the same fate?

Where is the backup for our time? If the internet is destroyed and the information it stored has not been durably printed, what do we do then?

Something very similar to this actually took place in the late 1800s. The French were the first to attempt to dig the Panama Canal. At the time, they were one of the most technologically advanced countries on the planet. They sent the cream of their engineers to Panama, where they promptly died of malaria and yellow fever, the causes of which were still unknown. They sent the second-tier engineers, and they croaked also. Between 1881 and 1889 over 22,000 men died there — an entire generation of engineers and all they knew was lost. Furthermore, since much practical engineering knowledge was passed on by word of mouth, France lost the knowledge of the engineers that came before them. It was decades before they recovered.

Reference works, at the very least, should be required by law to be printed. The internet will not last forever. We are risking another Dark Age.

Special Extra-Pedantic Note: The use of the word “ye” as in “ye olde shoppe” is a misnomer. (”Ye” as in “Ye are a comely wench” is perfectly acceptable, although it’s likely to get you slapped or worse under most circumstances.) The digraph “th” was originally a single letter, called thorn. It looked like this: þ. In time it became almost indistinguishable from a “y”, and since the typefaces printers used were often purchased in Germany or Italy (neither of which used thorn), a “y” was usually substituted. So “ye olde shoppe” is actually pronounced “the old shop.”

I’m not accustomed to recommending commercial services, and this may be the first time I’ve done so on this site. That said, the Newspaper Archive is an online service I’ve been waiting for since I first logged onto a BBS in 1986.

I’m an amateur historian, and have spent a ridiculous amount of time in public libraries perched on uncomfortable plastic chairs in front of circa 1975 microfilm readers, poring over old newspapers. REALLY old newspapers.

Now the same company that recorded many of those microfilms have finally made them available on the internet, accessible for a fee. Speaking for myself, I consider that fee to be more than reasonable, especially when you consider that a library Xerox of a newspaper story usually costs a minimum of ten cents a page.

Most people do not realize just how much information is contained in any given issue of a newspaper. There are the big front-page stories, of course, but further back, in the advertisements and classifieds, the society columns and sports pages and local stories, you find a real picture of the society. Addresses, names, dates, weather, crimes, desires, fears, needs and dreams; they are all there.

Beyond the sheer flood of data, for the perceptive reader there are also the intangibles: the sense of humor, the attitudes toward race, the genuine feel of the times. It’s something you simply cannot get from a history book.

And now I’ve got access to tens of thousands of papers. This calls for a maniacal laugh: Bwahahahahahaaaaaaaa!!!!

Here’s an example of what I’m talking about. I’m not going to editorialize. Just read it and then read between the lines. It’s the entire contents of the “Personal” column of the Saturday morning edition of the San Antonio Daily Express from September 16, 1899. (Many papers had morning and evening editions, a custom that lasted well into the 20th century.) Some of the punctuation and small bits of text are speculative because of the poor quality of the reproduction. The monetary amount in the text is correct.

Personal

---

THE treatment by a woman who best understands a woman’s ills, (especially one who has been there herself, Mme. Guillaume of Paris, France,) guarantees to successfully treat ladies suffering from suppressed menstruations with her French Regulating Pills. No matter how obstinate or delayed. Have never failed once in [10?] years. They succeed when others fail without injuring constitution or interfering with duties or money refunded. Price $2.50 sent sealed. Correspondence confidential. Write for advice, testimonials. P.O. Box 117, Galveston.

HOME for ladies during confinement. Good doctor and nurse. Infants adopted. Confidential. Address [126?] this office.

---

Special Monetary Note: Determining the relative value of currency across time is difficult, and depends on many socioeconomic factors. A buck is not the same for a bank president as it is for a street vendor, which is why the only people arguing for a flat tax are rich assholes and deluded morons.

Assuming that a woman of moderate means suffering “suppressed menstruations” would have some sort of access to a sympathetic physician, and that the target audience of the advertisement would therefore have been members of the lower-middle class and below, $2.50 is equivalent to $313.00 in 2009 dollars for someone earning unskilled wages.

July 16, 1969 was when Apollo 11 lifted off from Cape Kennedy and headed for the Moon, carrying explorers Michael Collins, Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong. The Saturn V rocket, as big as a skyscraper, rushed into the sky, and all the world watched and hoped.

It’s hard to explain to people, in this age of space stations and Mars rovers, how jaw-droppingly audacious it was. Just a few short years earlier the idea of sending people to another world was sheer science fiction. The onboard computers had less processing power than a cheap cellphone. People still used slide rules for quick calculations. The skin of the Lunar Module was titanium foil; they were constantly afraid they would accidentally put a foot through it.

A lot has been made of how expensive the manned space program is. Here’s something I bet you didn’t know: From Project Mercury through Project Apollo cost less than one year of the Vietnam War, and created hundreds of thousands of American jobs.

These were brave, brave men sitting on top of that monstrous pillar of kerosene and liquid oxygen. They carried with them a dream that had tantalized humanity since the dawn of time: to fly to the Moon.

Here’s to them, and the scores of dedicated and brilliant people that put them there. Godspeed.

A note: The icon I use for the “Space” topic is the Mars rocket designed in 1953 by the designer of the Saturn V, Wernher von Braun.

I may have discovered some previously unknown Roman structures buried under a field in central Italy. Of course, it could just be agricultural artifacts, or ruins from any time in the region’s immensely long history, but this area was definitely inhabited in Roman times (and long before).

A small Roman colony named Vicus Elbii was in this vicinity, possibly under present-day Viterbo 6½ miles to the east, possibly not. No one knows for sure because Vicus Elbii vanished long ago. Viterbo is the most likely candidate.

Could this actually be the site of Vicus Elbii? Probably not; if it’s Roman I suspect it’s just a farm villa. On the other hand, to the northeast of the “villa” is what may be a colonnaded building. I’m going to send this information to an archaeologist in Viterbo, since it’s definitely worth checking out. That would be so freaking cool if I found a lost Roman colony!

View Possible Roman Archaeological Site In Italy in a larger map

Right this minute, I’m watching a show on the History Channel called Lost Worlds. I am horrified. At least the Discovery Channel’s “Scorpion King” bullshit didn’t actually damage archaeological sites.

The episode is called “Kama Sutra,” and is supposed to give an overview of ancient Hindu culture, although the depiction is about as confused as it’s possible to be without veering into Bizarro World. That’s not what’s got me so upset. I’m used to ancient history taking it right on the lingam.

Four times now, one of the show’s “archaeologists” or “expert stonemasons” have altered historical artifacts or treated them carelessly:

1. The “archaeologist” lays down on some delicate sandstone carvings, supporting herself directly on the intricately-carved edges while she blathers on about how “you can see this guy’s little belt.” Yes, she planted the entire weight of an adult human on thousand-year-old sandstone carvings only a half-inch thick.
    
2. The “expert stonemason” is demonstrating how the ancient stonecarving tools were used. Never mind that he uses a modern steel point and mallet. He shows the strokes used by “gently” hitting the point with the mallet on an ancient stone! Even though he’s deliberately trying to strike softly, you can see and hear that his strikes make marks. For a damned television program, this buffoon literally chiseled pieces off of an historic relic.
    
3. Later, in a debris field, this same “expert stonemason” picks up fragments of a destroyed temple to see if they fit together. The debris field of an archaeological site. Could the orientation of those fragments have someday told us something important? Who knows?
    
4. To “test the theory” that the site once consisted of 85 temples, as opposed to the thirty or so still standing, the “archaeologist” goes poking around in the brush. She finds some shaped stones poking out of a mound, and begins digging with her hands. Tossing the dirt from side to side, she uncovers a sculpture “that hasn’t been seen for a thousand years.” I wonder if there was anything important in the layer of soil that she flung into the underbrush?

Now, these aren’t as bad as Heinrich Schliemann’s trenches at Hisarlik (Troy), but Jeez. This is the 21st century, not the 19th. If you’re going to have a TV show dedicated to lost worlds, maybe you shouldn’t be the ones destroying the artifacts.

Oh, and History Channel? If a tourguide tells you something in one scene, it’s not kosher to call it your archaeologist’s “discovery” in the next.

On Independence Day, and in particular on this Independence, it’s important to remind ourselves that we live in a democratic republic and that no man, regardless of his or her elected position, is above the law.

The Constitution of the United States of America

We the people of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

…

The full text of The Constitution can be read here.

The United States Bill of Rights

The Ten Original Amendments to the Constitution of the United States

Passed by Congress September 25, 1789

Ratified December 15, 1791

I

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press, or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

II

A well-regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.

III

No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

IV

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

V

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use without just compensation.

VI

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.

VII

In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury shall be otherwise re-examined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.

VIII

Excessive bail shall not be required nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

IX

The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people. 

X

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.

What, you think I make this shit up? Here’s the lead-in to the Reuters story:

One year after Hurricane Katrina battered the U.S. Gulf Coast and his political standing, President George W. Bush acknowledged on Monday that a complete recovery was still a long way off.

“There is hope down here, there is still a lot of work to be done,” Bush said. “This is an anniversary but it doesn’t mean it’s an end. Frankly it’s just the beginning of what is going to be a long recovery.”

Okay, I know it’s an ambiguously-worded couple of paragraphs. Some people are going to think the story is talking about the Gulf Coast’s recovery. But take a few minutes for a little refresher course with Think Progress’ Katrina Timeline, and then you tell me what Our Glorious Fearless Leader really meant.

For those who need reminding, President Bush attended a birthday party and did some fundraising (where he played a cute little guitar with the Presidential Seal on it), and Secretary of State Rice went to a Broadway musical (where she was booed) and shopped for shoes (where an incredulous woman shamed her). They did this while citizens of the most powerful country on Earth were dying of thirst in one of our own cities following a disaster that had been known about days ahead of time.

While the world watched, Bush and his political cronies were doing photo-ops and complaining about not having enough time to get decent service in a restaurant. The next time you see Bush’s smirking puss on the screen, think about the terminal patients in the New Orleans hospital that were euthanized because they couldn’t be moved and it was more humane than leaving them to die of exposure. Think about the elderly woman’s body rotting on the freeway overpass where she’d been stranded. Think about how Bush and his henchmen sat there and did absolutely nothing for those people until it became apparent even to their ignorant, greedy little 40-watt brains that it was going to be politically damaging.

And by God, you think of them when you step into that voting booth in November.

Have you ever wondered where the motto of the United States Postal Service comes from? You know the one:

Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.

I’d always assumed it was something our first postmaster Ben Franklin scribbled on a cocktail napkin while taking a breather from impregnating half the female population of France. Boy, was I wrong.

While reading a wonderful book my wife got me for my birthday, Travel In the Ancient World, by Lionel Casson, I came across a description of the ancient Persian courier system, which was the model for the Pony Express in 19th Century America. And lo and behold, who was the Greek historian that described the system? None other than my longtime personal favorite, Herodotus.

I’ll set it up for you first: the Persian king Xerxes had thought that those pesky Greeks would be a pushover and invaded. On September 28, 480 BC the Greeks handed his ass to him on a plate in the naval battle of Salamis. Xerxes decided to send the embarrassing news that he’d lost most of the fleet back to Persia by courier. Here’s what Herodotus has to say about it in The Histories, which is the very first history book ever written. I’m using the Macaulay translation because I’m too lazy to type the text from the Casson book, and Macaulay’s version is available online at Project Gutenberg (Volume I and Volume II). So let’s cut and paste, kids!

While Xerxes was doing thus, he sent a messenger to the Persians, to announce the calamity which had come upon them. Now there is nothing mortal which accomplishes a journey with more speed than these messengers, so skilfully has this been invented by the Persians: for they say that according to the number of days of which the entire journey consists, so many horses and men are set at intervals, each man and horse appointed for a day’s journey. These neither snow nor rain nor heat nor darkness of night prevents from accomplishing each one the task proposed to him, with the very utmost speed. The first then rides and delivers the message with which he is charged to the second, and the second to the third; and after that it goes through them handed from one to the other, as in the torch-race among the Hellenes, which they perform for Hephaistos.

So there you have it: a direct connection between Xerxes, Herodotus, Buffalo Bill and Cliff Claven from Cheers. Thank you, and good night.

It’s an unfortunate fact that as humanity bulldozed its way to the top of the food chain, a lot of other perfectly good species ended up paved over or in lunchboxes. Some of these animals, such as the undeniably cool Sabertooth Tiger, we’re probably better off without. Night shift at Long John Silver’s would be a death sentence. A visit to the beach would require mountain-climbing gear and a hazmat suit. And don’t even get me started on Dire Wolves.

There are other extinct species, however, that we really, really like. Mastodons and Wooly Mammoths, while certainly dangerous, would still be nice to have around. But pretty much everybody’s favorite ex-species is the Dodo of Mauritius. Since becoming extinct sometime between 1662 (the last confirmed sighting) and 1715, they have become an indelible part of popular culture. Lewis Carrol featured a Dodo in Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland illustrated by John Tenniel, the phrase “dead as a dodo” has been in common use for at least a hundred years, and the silly-looking birds made a hilarious appearance in the animated film Ice Age.

In spite of this, very little is actually known about the birds. That is about to change in a big way. Scientists in Mauritia have unearthed an entire layer of complete dodo remains in a sugar plantation. The site has been undisturbed for centuries, and with modern techniques they expect to learn a lot of new information.

There’s been talk of cloning the Wooly Mammoth. Bah. We didn’t kill them off; climate change and hungry Homo Erectus did that. But the dodo vanished on our watch, and in modern times. If any extinct species deserves to be resurrected, it’s the poor, dumpy, silly little Dodo.

The 200-foot-long curving wall in the Google Maps image to the right is a huge sound mirror on the island of Malta.

If you’ve never heard of sound mirrors, aka acoustic locators, don’t feel bad. I first found out about them this weekend, and am now passing that knowledge on to you, gentle reader.

Sound mirrors are one of the devices used before the invention of radar to locate incoming enemy aircraft. Essentially a big curved concrete wall, they focused sound waves so that they were easier to detect, and also provided directional information as to the source. Another common configuration was a large cement dish, which had the dual advantages of smaller size and of providing positional information in two planes, the horizontal and the vertical. By triangulating the data from several sound mirrors at once, it was possible to calculate the direction, range and altitude of approaching bombers. They were capable of detecting aircraft 20-30 miles away.

That may not sound like much, but keep in mind that with even the best hearing unaided ears can only detect an airplane from about six-and-a-half miles off. Before radar, that was a significant amount of time bought to prepare for an attack.

So when and where were these things used? The big static mirrors were mostly installed on the coastline of England, with the one on Malta being the only exception I’m aware of. They date from just after WWI through the first part of the Second World War. Many of the British mirrors still exist, at least for now.

Portable acoustic locators were used by almost everyone, though: Japan, Germany, England and the US all had different versions. Some of these could get impressively goofy-looking: witness the majestic glory of the mighty Japanese War Tubas. I swear, they look like the kind of thing John Philip Sousa would dream up if you fed him LSD for a week.