The Sporadic Curmudgeon

A sperm whale dies on a Taiwanese beach. A team of marine biologists load the carcass onto a flatbed trailer and begin moving it to a location where it can be “used for educational purposes.”

Unfortunately, the huge cetacean educated a whole lot of people when it suddenly exploded in the middle of city traffic due to the buildup of decomposition gasses.

In a perfect gem of arch understatement, the BBC notes that “the whale attracted a lot of onlookers both before and after it exploded.”

This may be my favorite news story of all time. Well, maybe not quite as good as the guy that managed to asphyxiate himself in his room with his own flatulence and the neighbors reported hearing “a sound like tearing sheets,” but it’s right up there.

When I was young, I thought that life would be an accumulation of experiences and knowledge, an additive process. But the main thing I’ve learned on my passage through this world is this: life is mostly loss. Loss of dreams, loss of ideals, loss of enthusiasm. And loss of friends and lovers.

I look around, and so many of us are gone now; wonderful, flawed people that I laughed with, and admired, and loved. When I die so will their memories; the shared kindnesses and passions, private jokes and tears all erased by time and blind mortality.

I have no idea why I’m still here and they’re not. Jesus, there are things I regret. If only I’d held my tongue, or chosen differently, or just been a better person. I hurt most of them, some greatly, yet they still cared for me.

And some nights, like tonight, I feel them there, back in yesterday.

You, reading this. If you love someone, even if that love is troubled, then by God love them as hard as you can. Because a dark night like this waits for you somewhere in your tomorrows.

So here’s to absent friends.

Tara, and Julie, and George, and Rudy, and Dad, and David, and Whizzy and Squeaky: I miss you all. I was priviledged to have known you.

I’m a huge fan of animation, especially the early pioneering work. More than a fan, in fact. I hit levels of animation geekiness my tech brethren can only dream of.

Tonight, while watching an old Fleischer Bros. Popeye, I noticed that the singing voice of Bluto sounded familiar. (I’ve got the equivalent of a photographic memory for sound, which annoys my wife no end.) It sounded like the actor that portrayed Gabby from Gulliver’s Travels singing in a deeper register. Obviously, a trip to The Internet Movie Database was in order.

To my surprise, I discovered that the voice of Gabby (and Bluto; I was correct) was done by none other than Pinto Colvig, who I knew did Disney’s Goofy. Which is pretty bizarre when you think about it: Goofy is Bluto. But then I started looking over his filmography, and was amazed.

It turns out that the same man portrayed Goofy, Gabby, Bluto, two of the Seven Dwarfs, Pluto, a munchkin in the Wizard of Oz, one of the Three Little Pigs, the Country Wolf from Little Rural Riding Hood and TV’s original Bozo the Clown. Plus he animated a number of the Oswald the Rabbit cartoons and wrote Beany and Cecil.

From now on, I’ll be listening more closely to these characters. And to think I never would have known any of this if I hadn’t happened to hear Bluto sing.

(As a side note, in 1959 Pinto’s son Vance was hired to portray Bozo on television.)

This makes me very, very sad. Those hours I spent sitting in front of the old black-and-white TV watching the Captain, Mr. Greenjeans, Bunny Rabbit and Mr. Moose were an oasis of happiness in an ugly, painful childhood.

Bob Keeshan, you were a profoundly good man, and the impact you had on my life alone was immeasurable. We’ll all miss you.

I’m a 46-year-old man, and I’ve got tears in my eyes.

It isn’t often that a news story references my favorite ancient historian, Herodotus. In his History Herodotus describes a fleet sent by the Persian king Darius which sank off the Greek coast in 429 BCE. Now a team of archeaologists are searching for it. I know it’s a vain hope, but Jeez, I hope they find a trieres. (That’s a trireme for you non-pedantic types.)

The wonderful Macaulay translation of Herodotus’ History is available for download: Volume I / Volume II. Herodotus is known as “the Father of History” as well as “the Father of Lies.” All I know is it’s one of the most entertaining books ever written. The fact that it’s also the very first history book ever written is just icing on the cake. Enjoy!

I am not making this up.

From the extremely disquieting Globe and Mail story:

The President chuckled. “Well, you got a pretty face,” he told the surprised Mr. Reid. He wasn’t done. “You got a pretty face,” he said again. “You’re a good-looking guy…”

Just when I was beginning to live down being from Texas.

Good to see that dignity has been restored to the White House. I suppose we should be relieved he wasn’t visiting a sheep ranch.

It’s true. I downloaded Scorched 3D, a remake of the old 2D classic artillery game, and before I knew it two hours had passed.

Big deal, you’re probably thinking.

Well, the sad fact of the matter is I haven’t played any kind of game for more than fifteen minutes since the birth of my daughter four years ago. Been kinda missin’ it.

The game is cross-platform, and you can play against computer opponents, people on the internet, or just the other poor schlubs at your office. Not the most advanced game on the planet, but a nice update on a blast from the past. Plus, lobbing a big fat nuke results in a very pretty mushroom cloud.

Really takes me back… *sigh*

After years of frustrating and expensive failures, NASA has managed to land a spacecraft safely on Mars. The Mars Exploration Rover Spirit touched martian soil at 11:35 Eastern on January 3, 2004. Within hours the spacecraft was returning images.

Whew. Between the Polar Lander, Beagle 2 and the lost Japanese Mars probe Nozomi, it was beginning to look like Earth’s leading export is scrap metal.

Have you ever wondered how ZIP Codes work? Did you know that ZIP is an acronym for Zone Improvement Program? Here is a fascinating interactive Java Applet that shows you exactly how ZIP Codes function. Spend a few minutes playing with this baby and suddenly what was a meaningless jumble of 5-digit numbers will make perfect sense.

The app was written by ben fry, and his site is definitely worth a look.

It may be holiday brainwashing, my rapidly approaching fossilization, or just the naked, ragged struggle of 2003, but for the last few days I’ve been thinking a lot about where we’re all headed.

Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be a “GW Bush just might really be the Antichrist” rant. I think anybody with half a brain can already see that if the upcoming election is as rigged as the last one, democracy’s pretty much over here in the land o’ the free. Contemplating the kind of brutal tactics an honest candidate faces in this corrupt age fills me with a fear and hopelessness I can’t ever remember feeling before. And I lived through Nixon and Reagan.

And that’s the problem in a nutshell. We’re demoralized. With good reason, mind you. This is by far the most radical, criminal administration in American history, and they have repeatedly demonstrated that there is no limit to how far they will stoop to win.

Well, I’m tired of being demoralized. It’s monotonous. We need to lighten up a little if we’re ever going to get our country back. I’ve been as guilty as anyone: looking back over my old posts I realized that if someone didn’t know me already they’d think I do nothing all day but bitch about idiot Republicans. There isn’t a single post I’ve made praising someone, or linking to a fascinating site I’ve found, or just sharing some of my interests.

That’s all going to change, starting right now. I refuse to live in the joyless terrified existence the Bush administration and their corporate masters have been building so diligently for three years now. I’ll still call an asshole an asshole (and George W. Bush is indeed one of the biggest distended sphincters to ever stink up the universe), but I’m going to have some fun, too. As my friend Doug Daulton said to me today, balance is good.