The Atomic Deathray
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John at puregenio.us has alerted me to a story about a Tennessee man who was so busy looking at porn mags that he ran another driver off the road. I think I remember a 1954 Driver’s Ed movie about this very problem called Spattered Upholstery. Remember, kids! Tits and tires don’t mix! Beat the traffic before you beat your meat!
I have been “tagged” with a meme by Doug Daulton, and am supposed to list four things in several categories.
Apparently this particular meme also involves complaining about receiving the meme in the first place. That’s easy enough: I find this sort of thing irksome and juvenile. Actually, that last sentence also applies to my own personality. I trust that satisfies the bitching requirement. So here goes:
Four jobs that I’ve had:
Four movies I can watch over and over:
Four places I have lived:
Four TV shows I like to watch:
Four foods that I like:
Four websites I visit daily:
Four things I want to do before I die:
Four people I’m tagging:
A couple of my taggees don’t have websites of their own, so if they wish I’ll post their responses here.
As for how I ended up selling dildoes for a living, it is, like Sherlock Holmes’ “The Giant Rat of Sumatra,” a tale for which the world is as yet unprepared. Oh, what the heck. I’ll probably tell you all about it during a lunchbreak sometime this week.
I’ve had a chance to read more about Fearless Leader’s January 26th Press Conference, and it struck me that a few items could use some clarification. Besides the usual grammatic and pronunciation errors, I mean. Bush uses English in novel ways, and those who aren’t from Texas (where Bush conveniently began hailing from about the time he decided to run for public office) can easily misunderstand his intent. As a public service I have endeavored to make his meaning plain.
Regarding his administration’s illegal and unconstitutional spying on American citizens without an easily-obtainable warrant, Bush said:
My concern has always been that, in an attempt to try to pass a law on something that’s already legal, we’ll show the enemy what we’re doing.
“The enemy,” in case you missed it, is us.
Referring to a human-rights organization’s report on U.S.-sponsored torture, Commander Codpiece declared:
No American will be allowed to torture another human being anywhere in the world.
Apparently paying Syrians and Egyptians to do the torturing for us is perfectly acceptable, however.
When asked about having some of his aides, including “Heckuva Job Brownie,” testify about their actions during the Hurricane Katrina disaster, Bush said:
If people give me advice and they’re forced to disclose that advice, it means the next time an issue comes up, I might not be able to get unvarnished advice from my advisers.
What kind of advice were they giving him? “Let all those Democrat niggers drown?” It seems to me that if the advice Bush has been getting is of Katrina caliber, not getting that advice would probably be the optimal outcome.
If any of that helped you understand Bush better, then I’m glad to have been of assistance.
President Bush, that paragon of incorruptibility, is refusing to release photographs of him shaking hands with Jack Abramoff, describing the encounters as “grip and grin” sessions.
Apparently not realizing how much this sounds like a furtive encounter in a rest stop men’s room, Bush expressed irritation with those who would use the photos to refute his prior statements that he and Abramoff had never even been in the same dimension.
The president sounded particularly defensive when reporters pressed him about his contacts with Abramoff. Both Time and Washingtonian magazines this week reported the existence of White House photographs of Bush with Abramoff.
The president said he would not release them because he was “mindful that we live in a world in which those pictures will be used for pure political purposes, and they are not relevant to the investigation.”
Yes, indeedy. We can’t allow photographic evidence to be used under any circumstances. Nosirree, Bob.
No matter where they’re from, people always complain about the crappy train service. Some have more justification than others. Case in point: Chinese migrant workers headed home for the Lunar New Year are being forced to wear adult diapers because the trains are so crammed that the toilets are inaccessible. These trips often last more than 24 hours. Talk about a trainload.
Right now I’m programming a graph for my employer, and have to change the transparency of some of the elements over time. I named the variable for the amount of transparency change $alpha_delta. This made me unreasonably happy. If you don’t get it, don’t worry. That just means you have a life.
On Monday Albert Gore Jr., the man who was actually elected President in 2000, gave a speech entitled The US Constitution in Grave Danger.
In spite of the Bush administration’s well-documented and treasonous treatment of those who expose their lies and crimes, Mr. Gore has delivered one of the most courageous speeches in American history. If you have any patriotism left after the unending rape this nation has endured since the Supreme Court violated the will of the voters and raised an unqualified pretender to the most powerful position in the world, you should read it.
To honor a man whose ideas he despises, President Bush went to stare at a document he probably wishes had never been written. Yes, it’s Martin Luther King day, and the President who let New Orleans drown is once again invoking the name of the great man at a photo-op, hoping that african-americans will swallow his bullshit.
The bullshit in question is a bit smellier this year than most. As he viewed the Emancipation Proclamation at the National Archives, Bush emitted the following inanities:
“It seems fitting on Martin Luther King Day that I come and look at the Emancipation Proclamation in its original form,” Bush said. “Abraham Lincoln recognized that all men are created equal.”
The president said that was an idea King used to call “Americans to account when we didn’t live up to our ideals.”
Exactly which ideals are those, George? Freedom from unreasonable search and seizure, perhaps? Given that Bring-’Em-On Bush has recently admitted to spying on American citizens without a warrant, and considering that Dr. King was the victim of similarly extra-legal domestic spying by the FBI , you gotta give the guy credit for cojones if nothing else.
Bush chokes on pretzels. Hypocrisy? Not so much.
