Bad Haiku XLVIII
middle of the night
not best time to write the first
blog post in a month
I don’t know if I’m going to keep writing this blog much longer; my initial purposes were to make people laugh, and tell the truth about the Bush abominations while the rest of you seemed to be looking the other direction, whistling nonchalantly.
Well, Bush is gone, although, unfortunately, Cheney, Limbaugh, and Rove continue to lurch around hideously until someone finally puts a stake through their undead, shriveled hearts.
And I don’t feel like I’m able to make people laugh anymore, mainly because I don’t do much laughing myself. Essentially, real life just got too goddamned nasty for me to find much humor in it. A story about some idiot jerking off while driving through Starbuck’s just doesn’t seem funny in a world where Bush played guitar at a party while doctors were euthanizing terminal patients in New Orleans hospitals because the US Government was doing nothing and it was more merciful than letting them simply die of thirst. (And then were prosecuted for sparing the patients that agony.)
Plus, my health is failing, I cannot afford the medications to keep my wife and I functioning (the fact that I’m currently taking 1/6 my normal antidepressants probably has a lot to do with this post), my job pays roughly half what we need to get by, I’m too old to change careers, I’m nowhere near as talented as I used to be, and the only thing keeping me going at all is an adamant refusal to expose my daughter to the horrors of suicide that I myself had to face as a child. A yuck-fest this ain’t, folks.
And frankly, my inability to write lately has made the site an ever-present reproach.
So, whither Atomic Deathray? My intention is to write up the entire story of my life, without prettying it up, if I’ve got the guts to do it. I’ll keep it online as long as I can afford to. Maybe somebody sometime can make sense of the damned thing. God knows I can’t.
This may all change if things get better, but for now, this is what’s on the table. The show’s canceled, and there’s only a few episodes left to go. Come to think of it, we’re all in that boat, aren’t we?