Dildon’t
First of all, Happy Thanksgiving! This is the day when we celebrate the anniversary of the first time ordinary Americans got screwed over under cover of a PR stunt. Yes, I have Native American ancestry. You know where to shove the candied yams, Pilgrims.
And now, on to a story about a Maryland couple that certainly isn’t having a very happy Thanksgiving at all. Or a comfortable one. A young woman was treated for severe injuries sustained when her boyfriend penetrated her using a sex toy mounted on the blade of a reciprocating saw. Pentrated being the operative word. Apparently neither of these tool-crazed geniuses stopped to think that the entire function of a power saw is to cut through stuff like wood. Or in this case, vinyl, and then her.
Here’s a little life tip from David, kids: Never have sex with something that can do 2,800 strokes a minute and requires one of those big orange three-prong extension cords. There are much better workarounds for erectile dysfunction.
Say, does anyone remember the ‘Yam Lady,’ Karen Finley? You know, in the spirit of the holiday and all.
