Horseplay Kills Man, Appetites
Over the years, I’ve noticed a curious phenomenon: the only time a painful accidental death is actually funny is when it’s the direct result of the victim’s own mind-boggling stupidity. For example, a horrible death by fire is not funny. A horrible death by fire caused by lighting farts in the vicinity of an open container of gasoline? Pretty damned funny.
Which brings us to tonight’s post. A Seattle man died of acute peritonitis when his colon was perforated during sex with a horse. This was not your garden-variety red-state barnyard dalliance, mind you; the horse rode him hard and put him away wet. As my twisted friend John Campbell put it, “Oh, Wilburrrrrrrr…”
Apparently a rented farm near the town of Enumclaw, Washington was advertising in internet chatrooms for people that want to get down with a moo-moo here and a moo-moo there. The victim, whose name is not given in the story but good lord I hope it’s Philip (Greek for horselover), had purchased a Thoroughbred stallion earlier in the year. As the spectacularly-worded news story puts it:
The man told his relatives he boarded the animal with some friends in Enumclaw.
While the man’s relatives were unsure how many horses he had boarded at the property, one Enumclaw neighbor said the Seattle man was keeping two stallions there.
I’ve never read Seattle Times staff reporter Jennifer Sullivan’s work before, but I’m now a fan for life.
Well, that’s about all I’ve got to say on it. I know this post is kind of rambling and disjointed, but anything more structured would require me to think about the events in some detail, and I just can’t. Fair enough?
Note: Yes, I’m the one that wrote the disgusting little verse on the tombstone. I’m expecting hate mail, and maybe some marriage proposals.
