To the editors:

I was not surprised when anti-privacy Senator Kay Bailey Hutchinson voted to limit the encryption of messages on the internet, essentially denying people the right to an email "envelope".

I was alarmed, however, when I read that in dismissing fellow Republican Senator Conrad Burns' rival Pro-CODE bill (which is considerably more business-friendly), Ms. Hutchinson said, "I think Senator Burns' bill is the freest approach for us to compete on the open marketplace, but I do want to protect our children from pornography."

This statement has filled me with compassion. I had no idea that Senator Hutchinson was afflicted with the inability to distinguish one thing from another. The poor woman's daily life must be a terrifying ordeal, her muddled senses forever confusing apples with orangutans. How does she eat dinner without accidentally swallowing the salt shaker?

I have a suggestion that could help: every single object in the state should be plainly labelled with its name and function spelled out in large, colorful block letters. When confused as to an object's identity, Ms. Hutchinson could then simply read the label, thus averting possible disaster.

This would, of course, be a huge and expensive undertaking, but with enough volunteers to shoulder the burden, we can make Texas safe for everyone, even Republican senators.

Sincerely,
David Bryant