Once upon a time there lived a man named Sal who took pictures for a living. But Sal didn't take pictures of animals, or buildings, or clowns. Sal's pictures were special. Sal took pictures of people being very nice to each other.
One of the people that Sal took pictures of was Fred. Fred liked a kind of candy that you put in your nose. He liked it a lot. Sal liked to take pictures of him because Fred's pee-pee was extra-big.
Another person that Sal liked to take pictures of was Rhonda. Rhonda was what is called "topheavy." Rhonda could also do a little trick with her mouth. Rhonda would only do the trick if you gave her things. The pictures of Rhonda doing her trick always sold for a lot of money.
The pictures of Fred and Rhonda made Sal a very rich man. He was able to buy a lot of candy for Fred. He was able to buy an Italian sports car for Rhonda. They were all very, very happy.
But there was one person who was not happy. His name was Minister Tim, and he thought that what Sal and Fred and Rhonda were doing was wrong. He believed that God did not want Sal to take special pictures of Fred and Rhonda. Minister Tim decided to spoil all of their fun.
The first thing that Minister Tim did was go to the store for grownups where Sal's pictures were sold. Minister Tim told the man at the store that if he didn't stop selling the pictures bad things would happen. One of the bad things that Minister Tim said would happen would be a sermon next Sunday about an embezzler who skipped bail and moved to another town and changed his name and opened a store that sold special pictures and didn't want anyone to find out.
The man at the store got a funny look on his face. He told Minister Tim that he would not sell Sal's pictures of Fred and Rhonda anymore. Minister Tim said that he was glad that the man at the store had seen the light.
As soon as Minister Tim left, the man at the store called Sal on the telephone. "We are in trouble, Sal," he said. "Minister Tim just put the squeeze on me to stop selling your pictures."
"Did you cave in?" asked Sal.
"I am afraid that I did," said the man at the store. "He knew all about me."
"Well, then," said Sal, "don't worry about it. There was nothing else you could have done."
"You are a fine man, Sal," said the man at the store. "Goodbye."
"Goodbye."
Sal hung up the telephone and turned to Fred and Rhonda. "Minister Tim wants to put us out of business," he said.
"Oh, no," said Rhonda, rubbing the side of her neck. She had been practicing her trick with Fred, and her jaw muscles were tired. "What are we going to do?"
Sal picked up his camera. "We are going to take some more pictures," he said.
The next thing that Minister Tim did was pay a visit to Sheriff Bill. "Sal is corrupting the morals of our town," said Minister Tim.
"Yes, I know," said Sheriff Bill. "But what can I do? Sal is protected by the Constitution of the United States of America."
"Morality is more important than the Constitution," said Minister Tim. "I want Sal put out of business."
"I'll see what I can do," said Sheriff Bill. "But I worry about the implications of our actions."
"Who's side are you on?" asked Minister Tim.
Sheriff Bill blushed. "God's side, of course," he said. He smiled.
But inside, Sheriff Bill was unhappy. He had seen the pictures of Fred and Rhonda, and he secretly liked them. Once, while looking at the pictures in his bathroom, he had even pretended that Rhonda was doing her special trick with him.
Sal said, "Well, Fred, I had to hang out in the alley behind the church for two weeks, but I got what I was looking for."
"Are you sure?" asked Fred. "I don't want to have to give up my candy."
"Completely sure," said Sal. "In fact, I'm taking care of the problem right now." He put a stamp on an envelope. "I'll see you later. I've got to go to the mailbox."
Minister Tim stormed into Sheriff Bill's office waving a newspaper. "What the heck is going on?" he yelled. "You said that you were going to shut Sal down! Now he's advertising a 40% Off Sale!"
"Calm down," said Sheriff Bill.
"I will not calm down," said Minister Tim. "This town is becoming as decadent as Sodom and Gomorrah. I will denounce you from the pulpit!"
"Before you do any denouncing," said Sheriff Bill, "I think maybe you'd better take a look at these." He tossed an envelope across the desk.
"What are they?" asked Minister Tim, picking up the envelope.
"Pictures of you at choir practice last Saturday," said Sheriff Bill. "It looks like you could teach Rhonda a few things."
"I see," said Minister Tim. "I know when I'm beat. I guess I'm going to jail now."
"I don't see why," said Sheriff Bill. "Sal has pictures of me with a goat."
"Ah," said Minister Tim.
"Here you go, Fred," said Sal. He handed Fred a big plastic bag full of candy. "Have fun. And this is for you, Rhonda." He gave Rhonda a mink coat. "All of our troubles are over."
"Thank goodness," said Rhonda. She kneeled down in front of Sal to practice her trick. Fred put a spoonful of candy up his nose and watched. And they all lived happily ever after.